Our story of Clayton

This is what it means to be held,
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved,
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.

- the chorus from Held by Natalie Grant
(to hear this song, scroll down to the bottom of this page and click it...it’s the last one on the playlist)

Today is the seventh birthday of our firstborn son, Clayton Wyatt. Clayton was stillborn prematurely on July 29, 2001. For those of you unfamiliar with the story of Clayton’s short life on this earth, I’ll give a brief recap. The year before, in 2000, we had a miscarriage at only 5-1/2 weeks. I’d only known I was pregnant for a couple of days before we found out I was miscarrying, but it was still a rough time. We decided to name that baby Sam, for Samuel or Samantha, so we could refer to him/her by name, as a real person. Then about six months later, we found out we were expecting Clayton!

Clayton’s pregnancy was riddled with problems from the beginning, and we were told on several occasions that the baby would not survive. But then, the next ultrasound or blood test would always indicate that all was well. (There were a lot of ultrasounds and blood tests.) At 21 weeks, a routine ultrasound revealed a much smaller baby than expected for his gestational age, with almost no amniotic fluid. I was scheduled to be flown across the country to see a military perinatologist (high-risk pregnancy doctor), but the day we were to leave, the MedEvac plane broke down and could not leave the base. That evening, I had a very strong feeling that something was really not right, and so I called my doctor and he reluctantly agreed to meet us at the hospital. Once at Labor and Delivery, an ultrasound confirmed that our little one’s heart had stopped beating. My labor was induced that evening, and at 2:10 in the morning on Sunday, July 29th, little Clayton was born still, weighing only 3 ounces and measuring 17 centimeters (about 7 inches long). Then began our winding road out of grief.

Through the experience of losing my only child - and living with the lonely dichotomy of being a mother, but having no child - God was working. One week after Clayton’s stillbirth, we attended church at the base chapel. Now, Adam and I had not been going to church all that often at that point. (Church attendance isn’t the issue, of course, but for us, it was an indication of our priorities at that time.) So we were at the base chapel that day only because our hearts were broken. And that very day, I met another woman named Melanie who had also experienced a stillbirth. Because she knew exactly what I was going through, she was able to reach inside me somehow and help the very slow healing process to begin. Melanie invited me to come to a ladies’ Bible study that she was about to start at the chapel, Beth Moore’s Jesus, the One and Only. It had been years since I’d done any kind of studying the Bible, but I was suddenly hungry for the Word of God and also just lonely beyond anything I’d ever felt before. So I went. And it was absolutely out of my comfort zone, by the way. But I loved it. And they put up with me too. I remember how my poor little small group had to hear the story of my loss so many times, and how I connected it to everything, and how I saw the world through that experience. Seeing the world through the tragedy is how people going through grief begin, I think. And that can last a long time.

But the Lord was drawing us out...out of a long spiritual sleep, and out of the crushing pain of losing a baby. Shortly after Clayton’s death, Adam met a civilian at work who introduced us to his family and his church. The more time we spent with these people, the more we loved them, and the more we learned about the love of Jesus. Sunday became my favorite day of the week, just for the joy of hearing teachings about God and getting to hang out with the loving people of our new church fellowship. I kept going to the Bible studies at the base chapel and learning more.

The Lord took something terrible and used it for good - for teaching and correcting us, so we could truly know Him and feel His goodness and love and forgiveness. When I think of Clayton, I feel a deep sadness at never getting to know him. But no longer do I wish to change something that fell within the will of God. We have not been promised an easy road. But for those who are in Christ, He will never leave us nor forsake us...and He does truly want to bless us and grow us through the pain. God is always good, even when circumstances are not. Now, years after our loss, I can see clearly how this is the case, even in the death of our son. I hope and pray that someday my first response will consistently be thankfulness and the recognition of God's goodness - in everything, not just when things go the way I want them to. May He be glorified in all things.

Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Our sweet Clayton, we love you always. You are remembered and dearly missed.

Our weekend

Many Sunday nights roll around and I wonder, What did we even do this weekend, anyway? This particular weekend, though, has felt productive to me - and that’s a very good thing! (When Mommy gets frustrated and whiney, it isn’t pretty. Not that she should do that, but, well...) Weekends just seem to carry the promise of "more" of everything. More fun family things, more time to get stuff done around the house and yard, and more relaxation. The perfect weekend for me, I think, is an even blend of those three. This weekend has been such. Since I actually have some things to report other than, Well, we all took naps and watched too much TV, I’ll share it with you!

On Friday, Adam finished up a 3-day class on, well, I don’t remember what it was actually called, but it was war games. They practiced a lot of taking out the enemy at close range, which is enjoyable for Adam, and he’s quite good at it, too, I might add. He’s had a couple of offers from instructors over the years to try to get him trained as a sniper, which Adam says would be a fun job except for the fact that you have to kill people. So although he’d probably be good at it, he isn’t interested. But I digress. Anyway, on Friday, the class had a paint gun war with four guys whose job it is to be the "enemy." (I think Adam is jealous that some people actually get paid to play bad guys and shoot people with paint guns every day.) Of course, it was incredibly hot, and Adam and his class were suited up in their flak vests and all that war stuff, so that was pretty miserable. But they did get done early in the day, and he was even home before noon, which obviously gets the weekend off to a good start!

Saturday, Adam went fishing early and was back before 10am. Then we hung out for a bit before Drake and I went to see the movie Space Chimps at the theater with some neighbors of ours. We hadn’t been to a movie theater in well over a year - um, make that two years! Wow. Adam stayed home with Levi, because we went to the noon showing, which is right at the beginning of nap time. It was admittedly weird not to have Levi with me. It always is. I need to get out more, I guess! Drake was apprehensive about going to the movie - he thought it might be too scary, but he eventually decided to give it a shot...and he really enjoyed it, so I’m glad he did!

Then in the afternoon, we planted two little rosebushes, a tomato plant, and a red pepper plant (which we thought was a yellow pepper when we bought it, but we were wrong...oh well). Yes, all you green-thumbed folks, I realize that late July is not the right time to be planting tomatoes and peppers! But we got off to a bit of a late start, and we have an extremely long growing season down here anyway, so we decided to give it a try. By the way, the tomato plant is a variety that says "good for late and second plantings" so we are hoping that means it will grow fast! I just realized that Adam and I have never, to my recollection, planted anything edible in our 9 years of marriage! We’ve done different flowers and shrubs and houseplants, but no fruits or vegetables. I was talking to my sister the other day on the phone - she called to rejoice with me over Heidi’s return - and we talked some about her garden. She and her husband have had a vegetable garden for a few years, and my parents have, also...like forever...plus fruit trees and berry bushes. So that phone conversation the other day is what sparked my sudden interest, and inspired me to plant a "real" garden. I guess I have to amend that...I don’t think two plants qualifies as a "garden," but humor me. Now, let’s just hope they don’t die!

Then today, we went to the early service at church, and kind of laid low for most of the afternoon. Oh yeah, we did give our new plants lots of water and Miracle-Gro, and sprayed this anti-fungal stuff on the one rosebush that we already had, which has "black spot" disease. Doesn’t that sound menacing?? I’m not really a rose person, but we are learning a little about them as we go along. Turns out for this one, we should have realized what was going on sooner; the dreaded "black spot" has progressed over much of the plant, and we had to prune most of it back - way back. It has a truly horrible haircut. I hope this spray stuff helps keep the fungus from spreading further, or to the new plants. That’s the idea, anyway. We’ll see how it fares.

Then, this evening, Adam and Drake went fishing, and I took Levi to work with me. For those who don’t know, I work Sunday evenings at a church in town (not ours) doing childcare for their evening service. It works out perfect for me because I can bring the kids if I need to, and it brings in a little extra money. Plus, I get a "life" outside the home, if only once or twice a week! (During the school year, I work Thursday mornings also, doing childcare for the International School there - where immigrant adults learn English and work toward citizenship. This is really cool, and I’m sure I’ll blog about it sometime in the future.) So Levi and I went to work. Then we came home, and he’s in bed asleep already! I’m sure Adam and Drake will be home soon, too, and it will be off to bed with the big boy as well!

So that was our weekend in a nutshell. Okay. Well, that wasn’t exactly a nutshell, but maybe that was our weekend in a......um......giant hundred-year-old sea turtle shell? I’m seriously going to have to stop being so long-winded or I will start scaring people away.

Ah yes, to make it up to you, here are some pictures from the weekend:

Levi loves fish! Remember how I said I would post a picture of him eating fish? While Drake and I were at the movies yesterday, Adam made fish and rice for him and Levi to have for lunch, and even took a picture for me!

The boys having a bath - what fun!

I know this looks kinda mean, but Levi loves it!

See?

As I'm finishing this post, Adam and Drake have returned from their fishing trip! Here is Drake with a Redfish (bigger) and a Pinfish (smaller). He caught the Pinfish by himself, start to finish, and reeled in the Redfish - off Daddy's bite - and Daddy netted it. He's pretty proud!

Quick pix

It's bodybuilder Drake! Look at those muscles!!

Think it's time for Levi to get a haircut??

Levi at 17 months

I just had to start off with this picture because I think it's hilarious...and I'm in the mood for some hilarity after the past four days. With that said, I wanted to fill you all in on some tidbits about Levi. I am fully aware that this will be the second post in a row (that relates to the kids) about only Levi. But rest assured, Drake is still alive and well, and full of his own antics which I will blog about soon.

Levi is really a different child - different than Drake was and different than most other babies I know. At 17 months, he is clever and charming and full of life. However, he does not walk or talk yet, aside from his exuberant "da-DA! da-DA!" every evening when Adam walks in the door, and "dah" (often accompanied by a sign) for pretty much everything else. Once in awhile, I hear "ma-ma-ma-ma" or "no-no-no-no" but those are pretty rare. Oh yeah, we sometimes get "t-k-t-k-t-k-t-k" (tickle, tickle) accompanied by tickles, too! But that's about it. Levi does not like to read books and really does not like to have his teeth brushed! He really likes baths, and he loves shoes. Loves! He is enthralled with the kitchen garbage can; to his mother's dismay, he loves to "put things in." Sigh. We have found shoes, toys, and other similar items in the garbage can. Even if he's not putting something in, I sometimes find him gazing curiously down into the trash. I need to be more diligent about putting up the baby gates to the kitchen while he is awake!

AND keeping the bathroom door closed. Here's why. Objects also get put into the toilet. But he is more particular about which items go in the toilet - they need to be bathroom-type items. We've found the entire roll of toilet paper unrolled and half of it in the toilet. Also, stray leftover tubes have been known to be found floating. I've come in to see him busily swishing the toilet brush around in there (yeah, it's definitely up and away, now!) and here's a good one - diapers! We use cloth diapers, and he's witnessed plenty of times how the "solids" get shaken off into the toilet. So the other day, I had a stack of clean, folded diapers in the living room that just hadn't made it up to the boys' bedroom yet...and I find Levi in the bathroom shoving something under the lid of the toilet. Hmmm...what could be in there? Two clean (well, used-to-be-clean) diapers are floating in the toilet bowl! He had found them in the living room and crawled with one in each hand into the bathroom to "dump" them for me! Eager to help, are ya? When this boy is older, I am seriously putting him to work.

Even without speaking, his wheels are definitely turning, and he can follow the directions I give him when asked to do something, like "come here" or "stand up" or "sit down in the tub" or "put it away" or "give it to me, please." He knows the rules, too, although that doesn't mean he consistently follows them, of course. We're working on that. Right now one of our big obedience issues with him is not throwing food on the floor. To show us that he is through eating, he starts pitching food - and his cup - over the edge of his tray, and even faster when he sees me about to put a stop to it. We have been really working on this lately, and he doesn't do it much anymore if someone is watching him. Instead, he dangles the cup or piece of food over the side and pretends to throw it - but doesn't let go - and gauges the reaction of the watchful adult. Is it worth it? He knows he will get two thumps on his fingers if he lets go, but he really, really wants to. Thankfully, he's been making the right choice more and more frequently, so I've stopped fantasizing about having a dog in the house to clean up under the highchair.

Yeah, this is getting long. But keep reading. You can do it - just a few more paragraphs! And there are more pictures coming up...

So I mentioned something about signing. We've been teaching sign language to Levi since he was under a year old, and he's been catching on very well, especially recently. So even though he doesn't speak, he can actually communicate a lot of what he wants or what he's thinking about to us, which seems to alleviate some frustration for him. Here's a list of (I think) all the signs that Levi has been doing consistently on his own: eat, drink, milk/nurse, more, please, cat, dog, fish, bird, shoes, hat, gentle. Here are some that he does occasionally or is just learning: airplane, thank you, deer/elk, cracker, squirrel, juice, swing, horse, book. I may have missed one or two...but I think that's it. It's been fun! I found a cool website called ASL Pro that has a very extensive video dictionary of ASL (American Sign Language) signs. So now I can learn pretty much any sign I want to teach Levi, and I can watch someone do it on a video clip! So I'm excited about that. He is really picking them up quickly now, and I'm eager to teach him as many as he can learn, because it's nice to be able to "talk" with him. (We started signs with Drake, but it kind of fizzled out when he learned to talk - which was pretty early - so he never learned very many.) Anyway, it's been gratifying to be able to communicate with Levi on a somewhat normal 17-month level, even though he's not speaking yet.

Now, here is what I actually set out to post this evening - some pictures of my non-book-loving baby actually loving a book! Yeah, wow! He is so not into books, like at all, but he fell in love with this particular one a couple of days ago, and now he finds it and brings it to me and signs "please, please, please" with a big smile, until I read it about 15 times. And then when I finally stop, he has a meltdown. So besides reading "Hello, duck. Swim, duck, swim! Hello, rabbit. Hop, rabbit, hop!" again and again, we've also been working on the sign for "book"...and so now he sometimes signs "book, please" instead of just "please".


Here's Mr. Levi with his favorite book, Swim, Duck, Swim.

He loves it so much he likes to kiss all the animals. What a sweet boy. Mama loves you, Bucky!

Guess what?

Heidi is back! She showed up a couple of hours ago at our back door, looking disheveled and missing her collar, but overall, no worse for the wear. We are so thankful for her safe return!

Drake was outside playing with a little neighbor friend in the "woods" behind our house (a few trees in a weedy patch, but that's "woods" to five-year-old boys who have grown up in base housing). I also had Levi outside playing in our backyard, and he started pitching a major fit - screaming and flinging himself over backwards. It was SO hot, and I took him inside to let him cool down a bit, and within less than a minute, I heard meows coming from the sliding glass door. Heidi was meowing on the back porch, where we had been only a minute before! I'm seriously thinking she may have recognized Levi's screaming or something - she's certainly heard it enough.

When I opened the door, she almost ran from me. I called out to her, and she came back hesitantly and let me pick her up and take her inside. I checked her over well, and she looks like she's fine; besides her wild appearance and missing collar, the only thing I noticed was that the little pads on her feet were all swollen and blistered! I guess gravel, sand, prickly weeds, and burning-hot asphalt make your feet sore when you're only used to walking on carpet and tile floors! And she was surprisingly not hungry. After nervously walking around and reacquainting herself with the house, she has now settled down, and only wants to be held and cuddled. So we are thankful and feeling so blessed to have her back.

Funny how we tend to take things for granted. When we first moved down here from North Dakota, almost four years ago now, we left a large 3-bedroom house with a big basement and huge kitchen. We realized we were only eligible for much smaller 2-bedrooms at our new base - there are no basements here, and small kitchens. I was feeling irritated. Then it turned out that we couldn't get into base housing at all because the waiting list was so long, and we ended up living in a pseudo-scary neighborhood off base in a tiny, poorly insulated, dirty apartment that was literally falling apart for about 9 months, while we waited for base housing. Once we got into base housing, I was thrilled with our new 2-bedroom home! What an attitude adjustment! Living in our little apartment, God taught me contentment with my circumstances. Then He gave me even more to be thankful for when we were able to move. (And actually, there are things I miss about living in a small home. It was much easier to keep it tidy, for one...)

When Heidi disappeared, I became more thankful for my boys and their health and safety - something I admittedly don't think about all that often. The first night she was missing, I was so upset and sad, and I slipped quietly into the boys' room just after midnight to check on them before I went to bed. Just hearing their soft little snores made me feel like I really and truly had so much to be thankful for. I forget sometimes, that life itself is fragile and precious. Now I feel even more blessed by the return of our little cat, and I will gladly take this experience and carry it with me as a lesson in thankfulness and appreciation. Even without her, we are so blessed...but I have such a soft spot for my little icing-on-the-cake!

Feeling the loss

I've been missing Heidi a lot. If you're not a "cat person," you probably won't understand quite how I'm feeling. I'm not truly a hard-core cat person either; I only really like some cats. Heidi is certainly one of those cats. Adam and I have always said she's the perfect cat - playful sometimes, but more cuddly than anything else. I could hardly ever sit down without her jumping up to claim my lap. I miss that. I can actually type better, but it's lonely - and worse than that, worrisome, not knowing what has happened to her. She has such a personality, and is so laid back and gentle with the kids, even Levi (who made a habit of pulling her hair and tail). She was "my girl." I don't have human girls, but Heidi has a collar with flowers on it because I can't put anything floral on my boys! I was her favorite person, always have been, and she and I used to have "conversations" by meowing back and forth. She could tell when I was upset. She always chose my lap and my side of the bed. We got Heidi before I was pregnant with any of the boys, over 7 years ago! I can't believe she's gone, and I can't believe we made it through almost the entire day yesterday without noticing she was missing. Sometimes she does "lay low" for a good portion of the day, but still...

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(I notice that I am wavering between present and past tense...the not knowing is the worst.)

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I pray that she will return! I had a dream just before waking this morning that we found her on a walk outside. Last night between 10pm and midnight I walked around our loop and also the inner loop in our housing area, posting signs on all the banks of mailboxes (there are 22 of them - now I know) and calling for her. Drake, Levi, and I made the same trek again this morning, and added looking and calling in the storm drains. (It's HOT here, even at 8am! Very hot.) I don't know what else we can do. I called the Law Enforcement desk on base, and the Animal Welfare Society which is right near our housing area.

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The guilt part stinks. I don't remember the last time I gave her much special attention. I spend a lot of time just trying to keep Levi away from her, because he's so darned mean to her, and hence, seeing her lurking near him tends to make me feel slightly irritated and wish she would just go away for awhile, because I know I'm about to have to stop whatever I'm doing and make him be nice to her. This past Saturday morning, Adam was fishing, and I was cuddling with Levi on our bed in the early morning. Heidi was being annoying, walking around, trying to rub up against me, and just causing more stimulus than I was ready for before 7am on a Saturday. I gave her a little push off the bed, and she left the room. It's interactions like this that I can remember happening recently; certainly not the kind of attention she deserves for being the sweet and easy kitty she is and putting up with what she puts up with (mostly this means Levi).

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I'm just trying not to think about what she's doing now, or what's already happened to her if she's never coming back. Too much loss right now. This is the fourth "loss" in the past couple of months that have, accumulatively, hit me hard. First, our family doctor, who delivered Levi and worked his tail off during my pregnancy to make sure everything was okay and that I got to attempt my VBAC, was just transferred to another base (McChord, actually, for all you Washingtonians!). The last time I saw him was in May, at Levi's 15-month checkup. Then our Bradley (natural childbirth) instructor, who also happens to be the head nurse on the labor and delivery floor where Levi was born, retired from the Air Force and moved away. She is just a sweetheart and has had such a positive and far-reaching effect on our family. Her retirement ceremony was hard for me. Adam couldn't make it. I got to hug her and say goodbye, and then, that was it. It felt so weird. I had someone watching the boys for the ceremony, and I just drove around afterwards on some back roads and cried. I knew what was coming next...and you know, too, if you know me or you've been reading this blog. Our beloved next-door best friends moved away to Alaska. It was sort of surreal. We knew it was coming for months beforehand, and then suddenly it was time. The packers came, the moving truck came, our friends stayed with us in our home for the last week doing all the final stuff with their house and outprocessing, and then they left. It's been empty here. And today I feel empty. I have what I need, my Jesus and my people-family: Adam, Drake, and Levi. But right now most of the little extra joys seem to have gone.

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I am sorry that I didn't love on Heidi more while we had her. I am sorry that we didn't get to do more with our friends during their last months with us here. I am sorry that things change, children grow up, friends move, people and pets pass away. Loss takes many forms. I was just not ready to lose Heidi yet.

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What can I expect but to feel disappointment and even emptiness and loneliness sometimes in a world that is not my home? My home is with the Lord. And my Lord is never-changing. Never Changing. When I've just about had it with change and loss, this is a beautiful truth.

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Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. Matt 10:29

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(Sorry for the weird paragraph breaks with periods. Blogger was not letting me make any paragraph breaks, so I had to "trick" it with the periods. You don't want to read all that rambling with no paragraph breaks, believe me!)

Missing kitty

We realized this evening that our sweet kitty, Heidi, has been missing probably all day today. She could have possibly gotten out last night or early this morning. Our front screen door had been squeaky for a long time, so we oiled it a couple of weeks ago, and it has been closing much slower (probably like it's supposed to) since that time, prompting Heidi to escape to the outdoors more readily. She usually just slinks around in the garden or lays on the front walkway right by the door when she gets out...but then again it's never been for more than a few minutes. Who knows what she would do if left outside for hours? She is declawed in the front, and has been strictly a base-housing housecat for over 7 years. She's our baby! Drake is heartbroken, and really, Adam and I are too. I've been combing the neighborhood "calling" her (she responds to meows, and actually talks back to me, and usually comes running when I meow to her). Please pray for our Heidi to return home safely! I will let you all know if we find her. We've put out her food and water dishes on the front porch tonight. We miss her so much.

Levi video clip

I just e-mailed my mom and said something like, "Well, I'm taking a break from the blog this weekend, but I'll post some more tomorrow."

Hah.

Only the mention of the blog made me itch to blog. This is one of those things that I so didn't see myself becoming attached (addicted?) to. Anyway, I have this little video clip of Levi playing with our Trouble game - given to Drake a couple of Christmases ago by our favorite (and dearly missed!) Alaskans. We had it sitting out because Drake and I had played it together a few days ago, and I hadn't quite got it back upstairs to the closet yet (the story of my life), and Levi found the box and was really interested in what might be inside. So I let him take it out and play with the pieces - yes, fully supervised - and he absolutely loved putting all the little pegs into the holes and moving them around to the other holes. Like, this occupied him for a very long time. It required a great amount of concentration, and sort of reminded me of the way he plays with blocks. So, I got out the camera and took a short video clip. It looks really dark, but that's just sort of how pictures turn out inside with our camera. You get the general idea. (This was taken with our regular digital camera, not our video camera.) Isn't he just a cutie pie?

Now I know you all want to pick him up and cuddle him. Just buy some plane tickets online, and let us know when you're coming!

Bike ride video

Last night we took a walk around the "loop" in our housing area. Drake got to ride his bike for the first time in, like, a couple of months. It's just been so doggone hot here, but last night wasn't too bad. We're thinking about taking those training wheels off pretty soon. Maybe when it cools off just a bit and it's more comfortable to ride regularly. (And Mommy is ready for some scrapes and bruises!)

I wanted to try out the video posting ability of this blog...so here goes. I'm not sure how much space video takes up, as compared to just photos, so I may have to remove the video(s) eventually to make room for more pictures. We'll see. Anyway, here it is:

By the way, if you want to hear the audio without the Playlist music in the background, scroll down to the very bottom of the blog and turn off the music. It's the little square button with the two vertical lines at the top left of the Playlist player - looks just like the buttons on a CD player. (Not like the audio on this video clip is anything special, but it could be annoying to try to hear it with music playing...)

Birthday recap

Last night for Adam's birthday, we went out to dinner at the Longhorn Steakhouse, and it was delicious! (The Birthday Person gets to choose where we have supper on their birthday.) Then we came home and had cake and ice cream! Drake and I had made the cake earlier in the day - it was cherry chip, Adam's favorite! Oh yeah, and Adam actually opened his gift before we went out to dinner. Drake really wanted him to open it right away when he came home from work. I say it was Drake - and it was - but we are not known for waiting until the proper time to open gifts around here. It's a weakness Adam and I both share, and have managed to pass along to our offspring, either through DNA or by modeling the behavior. Probably both. (It's sort of like being unorganized. Adam and I were lamenting this morning how it would be easier if one of us were a naturally organized person and could prod the other one along...but no, we're in the Land of the Perpetually Unorganized together, trying to find our way out. Anyway, back to the original topic...) It was a fun evening! Adam got several phone calls from family members wishing him a happy birthday, so that was nice, too.

Adam opening his gift - an MP3 player! Yes, we have decided to enter the twenty-first century!

Drake, Levi, and me at Longhorn's. Look at Levi's little belly! (Everyone say it with me, "Not - A - Skinny - Baby!" Really, doctors - look, I have proof!) By the way, that's root beer in Drake's hand. He only drinks the hard stuff on weekends.

Drake receives praises for decorating Daddy's awesome "porcupine cake" almost all by himself. :) He also did a great job cracking the eggs and using the electric mixer!

Look at all the smoke!! (I had to include that one.)

Adam

Happy birthday to the love of my life! Tomorrow is my husband's 30th birthday. I just want to share with you all a few of my favorite things about Adam... He is genuine and transparent - he doesn’t try to make something look like something it’s not for the sake of his appearance or reputation. He is very honest. He is one of the hardest-working people I know. He can read me like a book. He accepts personal criticism without becoming angry or defensive, even when the criticism is ill-founded. He will apologize to Drake if he has wrongly accused or disciplined him. He is fiercely protective of the best interests of our family. He's a great listener, and has a natural ability to befriend and counsel others. And that’s just a start. (Got any more? Leave a comment!)

I love you so much, Adam. May the Lord continue to abundantly bless you and grow you into the person He desires you to be. Thank you for being stable and kind, strong and patient. You are a great husband and father, and we're so blessed to have you in our lives.

Here’s a blast from the past for you all to enjoy today. Isn’t he cute? :) (Pardon the poor quality - we don't have a scanner, so I had to take a picture of a picture and then crop it.)

Happy 30th Birthday, Adam!

Entering the Birthday Zone

Well, we're nearing that time of year for our family where we almost get tired of cake and ice cream. It's birthday season! Starting with Adam's birthday this Thursday, we have 4 birthdays in less than two months. Adam's (July 17), Clayton's (July 29), Drake's (Aug. 17), and mine (Sep. 13). Whew! Then Levi (Feb. 17) has the rest of the year to himself. ;)

At the MPF (Military Personnel Flight), where Adam works, they have a tradition of "desk decorating" for birthdays. Adam came to work last Friday to find not only his desk, but his entire office decorated in a Bob the Builder birthday theme, heralding back to his former life as a heavy equipment operator. Yesterday, the boys and I came to visit him at work (after hours), as he had a lot of work to do and was there late. So I got some pictures of his decorated office for your viewing pleasure. (By the way, Adam will be turning 30 this year!)

Adam's office, all decked out in Bob the Builder

He even got a toy!

The Passport Man hard at work.

Well, we were sort of hoping that Drake's method of transportation would rub off on Levi - not the other way around!

One more picture before I head off to conquer some more laundry... This morning, Drake was dragging the comforter from his bed around and making a "club" (think he meant "clubhouse") all over the downstairs. Levi thought it was so funny, and was following him wherever he went, to try to get under the comforter too. For as much time as they spend grumpy and whining, it was really nice to hear them laughing and content together. They had a "club" under the table, next to/under the rocking chair, in the hallway, and on the couch. Here's a peek:

I see you in there!

Dentist visit, and some thoughts on volume control

Drake and I had dentist appointments this morning. I realized at 10:08 that we had our appointments scheduled for 10:00, and so I frantically called the office and was rescheduled for 10:45. (We made the 10:45 appointments!) I feel like such a space cadet. I was thinking of leaving that part out, but then I remembered I titled our blog Real Life for a reason. Anyway, Drake did much better than he usually does at the dentist office. This is the first time they've had us in two different rooms at the same time - usually I'm there when they clean his teeth - and I actually think that not having me in there was very helpful. Drake was a lot more calm and cooperative this time, but from the next room I could hear him telling the hygienist that yes, he does brush his teeth every day, but usually only before bed, that mommy says we should do it twice a day, but we don't usually. And we hardly ever floss. Oops. The hygienist that was cleaning my teeth said, "Now he's telling on you!"

And they told me that there's a spot on the enamel between two of his molars that is getting soft. So we DO need to floss him. I just have such a time trying to get floss back there between those teeth. They're so tight that to get the floss through always seems to hurt him when it finally pops through. The high price of cavity-free teeth...

Anyway, Drake did so well that I decided to take him to the McDonald's in our old town (where we lived in an apartment for about 9 months before we got into base housing) for lunch. He was so excited because he got a Transformers toy in his Happy Meal! That was only the beginning of the excitement, though, because Levi decided to throw a big, long tantrum sporadically throughout our attempt at eating lunch. Pretty much whenever I looked at him, or tried to hand him food or drink, or didn't hand him food or drink, he arched his back and screamed and cried. And threw everything on the floor. And squirted his juice box all over the place. And would not accept help of any kind. He was just "in a mood." And although it was only noon when we started eating, I guess he was exceptionally tired, because he passed out in the van on the way home and is currently napping in his crib.

Unfortunately, screaming has become a common method of communication for him lately. It's usually an attention-getting tactic, to let you know he's serious about whatever it is that he's trying to say. Often, though, it's also a frustration/rebellion thing (like today) or a just-because-I-like-the-sound-of-my-own-scream thing. That last one has been the case on many recent commissary trips. (When my mother-in-law was visiting in May, she captured a full-blown Levi tantrum on her cell phone video thingy. Not too long ago, she told me that she had been watching Levi's tantrum again! :) So I guess that's proof that the screaming and tantrums have been going on for at least a couple of months...)

And while we're on the subject of volume, Drake is also a LOUD kid! Adam and I are constantly shushing him. This is a totally different thing than Levi's issues, because Drake's not upset or throwing tantrums, but just really excited about whatever it is that he's talking about. I have been told too many times how I was the same way as a child...okay, and Adam still tells me to quiet down sometimes when I'm really on a roll about something. I know that Drake doesn't even realize he's doing it, but nonetheless...the decibel level between the two of them really grates on the nerves. Love those boys, but I sometimes wish they had volume control knobs built in.

Comment problems follow-up

Hmmm...suddenly there are three comments that have flooded through. Perhaps our problems are solved? By the way, I did look on the Blogger help pages, and can't find any info about this specific issue. So, please, please let me know if you have any problems posting comments, because I really like hearing your comments and I don't want anyone to be discouraged about leaving them. If I hear of any more problems I will work to resolve them. Just let me know!

Comment problems

I've just been alerted by someone that they are having problems posting comments to the blog...as in, they think they have posted a comment, but I never receive it for "moderation" (to "okay" it before it shows up on the blog). I am not sure what could be the reason for this, as some comments (even anonymous ones) are getting through just fine. Ah, the little glitches that have to be worked out when learning something new! I will do some searching and experiments to try and find out how to solve the problem. In the meantime, if you wouldn't mind helping me out... If you have tried to leave a comment and don't see it posted yet, PLEASE e-mail me, either at our regular e-mail, or at the one connected to this blog, kodakmommy@gmail.com. I am wondering how widespread the problem is. Thanks for your help and your patience. :)

Molars and Coloring

First, let me just say that Drake has been waiting to lose a tooth for a very, very long time. And he's still waiting for that, but the next best thing has happened - his first 6-year molar is coming in! It's been several weeks since it began as a noticeable bump under his gums and kept stretching higher and feeling more tender. Well, it has finally broken the skin. So Drake is the extremely proud owner of an erupted 6-year molar! Here are some pictures so that you can share in his joy! ;)

A new tooth!

And there it is! Hope you're not squeamish about looking into people's mouths. Well, at least there are no visible food particles or anything...

Onto our next topic - coloring. I will begin this by saying that we've been trying to do about 15 minutes of "schoolwork" each day this summer with Drake, just to make sure he doesn't forget his letters, numbers, and how to write his name. And I do mean trying, as in not always succeeding to do this each day! It's actually been going pretty well, and maybe I'll post some more on that later. But apparently all this readin', writin', and 'rithmatic has caught the attention of Little Bro, because the other day I found him under the kitchen table with Drake's pencil and paper, and he was "coloring" away on the paper. Hmmm...I thought, this is new. I don't know why it had never crossed my mind to let him color before. I think Drake had tried coloring by this age. I guess it's a second child thing; they seem so much more like a baby than the first one did at the same age! And the fact that ours are so far apart in age makes it even more so. So anyway, after the pencil-under-the-table incident, I decided to let Levi try coloring a little more safely, like with non-toxic, blunt-tipped crayons while sitting down in a chair. He really loves it! Here's his first coloring project:

'Ooooh, look what I've got here!'

'And I'm actually allowed to do this!'

'Maybe I could take just a little bite?'

'That was fun. Now I think I'll crinkle it up.'

Redfish

Adam was up early this morning to go fishing! That's a pretty typical Saturday morning around here - a way for him to get out and relax, and enjoy the outdoors before it gets too stifling hot, as is typical this time of year. And quite often, the boys and I reap the benefit when he brings home the bacon - errr, fish.

This morning he caught a really nice Redfish! It was 26.5 inches long and weighed 7.5 pounds! Each fillet (half) will make a nice meal for our family, so we should get two suppers out of it! Yum. :)

Levi is especially loving fish lately. He likes any kind of fish: pictures of fish, toy fish, real fish, and eating fish! He knows the sign for fish and uses it excitedly whenever appropriate - and even sometimes when it's not. When it comes time for a fish supper, he crams large portions into his mouth, and then when it's almost gone, he will pick every little speck of meat off his high chair tray and make sure it gets into his mouth. I will try to remember to take a picture of him eating fish the next time we have it; it's always a very joyous occasion for him. As a side note, he's not a particularly good eater normally...in fact I would say downright picky most of the time. So it's a compliment to Daddy's fishing and culinary skills to have him enjoy it so much!

Without further ado, here are a couple of pictures of this morning's Redfish.

It's a nice one!

Look how thick the body is compared to Adam's hands - that's a lot of meat!

End of a journey...

Our very dear friends and former next-door neighbors have been traveling for 3 weeks - since the 19th of June - and have finally arrived at their new base in Alaska! Watching them leave was heart wrenching; our families have been very close for 3-1/2 years, since about 3 weeks after we arrived here.

Anyway, after leaving here last month, they spent 6 days with their family members in another state, and then RV'd all the way up through the US and Canada with 2 little girls (and one more on the way next month), 2 dogs, and a cat. Wow! They have been a great testimony to God's faithfulness, trusting in Him to provide and choosing joy and acceptance of their circumstances, even through some trying "bumps in the road." (No pun intended - well, okay, I guess it was intended!)

We miss them so much and grieve the loss of day-to-day contact and mutual support. I spoke with this dear friend, Cherie, just a few minutes ago and I miss her even more upon hearing her sweet voice. She likened the trip to childbirth (her analogies are priceless). She said something like this:

"It's one of those things that you can look back on after it's all over and say 'Oh, yeah, that wasn't so bad.' And then maybe a few years later, you'll even be willing to do it again. But the Yukon, that was transition * - right there at the end, and you're saying 'I just can't do this anymore!' But then, suddenly, it's all over."

That's great, isn't it? It made me laugh. I love Cherie dearly. May God bless their every moment...today, this weekend, and always. We praise Him for their save arrival.
(*Transition - the last, shortest, yet most difficult part of labor just before delivery)

Playground!

This morning, the boys and I met some MOPS friends at a local playground. This particular playground is in the middle of a shopping center parking lot! Half of the playground has regular play equipment, and the other half has a splash pad on it. Drake is one of those kids who is slow to "warm up" to some things, and water parks are one of those things. He never did warm up to the idea of playing at the splash pad today, so we stayed on the "dry" side of the playground. It was so hot, though...even I wanted to make a couple of dashes through the water! (Notice that the boys were strippin' by the end! Believe me - I would have, too, if I could. Those darn indecent exposure laws!)

Drake the climber

Levi wants to be a big boy, too!

Crawling over to the slide

Now, if he could only figure out how to get up there!

On the climbing wall...

...and climbing up!

A hot and sweaty baby! Eventually Levi was stripped down to his diaper and crawling around. I actually had a lady I didn't know come and ask me about cloth diapering! So that was kinda cool. :)

One last climb up for Big Bro before it was time to go home for lunch - and a nap for the cranky, smaller one! ;)

So all in all it was a pretty fun morning. We're having our MOPS family picnic for the summer this coming Saturday, so I'll be seeing these ladies/kiddos again soon, plus the daddies. There is this one particular mom who has a baby 2 weeks younger than Levi, and she has always seemed to relish in "kid competition" with me. And of course, with Levi still not walking at almost 17 months, there's no contest here! I feel bad because I cringed when I saw her today. It didn't take much small talk before she commented, "Wow, he's STILL not walking? He's sure taking his time, isn't he?" So what am I supposed to say to that? I agreed that he was indeed taking his time, and assured her that he was just on his own little time table - all children are different - and that I wasn't too concerned about his development. Her son is like Drake when he was a baby, and was one of those early walkers, like before his first birthday, so he's of course running circles around us.

Sigh. Seeing the two of them next to each other put this little seed of doubt in my mind. Is Levi really okay, like I've truly believed until this point? But 18 months seems to be the cutoff before the doctors start getting alarmed and writing referrals to who-knows-where. Come on, Levi. A month to go...let's get to walkin' already! ;) But seriously, I must remind myself that even when I'm unsure, God has it all under control. A beloved pastor we had at our last assignment used to encourage us to wonder, "What is God up to?" And when you look at it from that perspective, any problem or trial can look like an adventure instead of a concern.

First Post

Hello there, everyone out in blog land! I have finally created a blog at the insistence of my dear friend, Dorla. :) I plan to use this blog mainly as a way to post pictures for family and friends to see, without having to e-mail the pictures. Efficiency. Sounds good to me! By the way, I have purposely left out our last name and location, so feel free to comment, but realize that if you inadvertently give our last name or location in a comment, I will be removing the comment. Sorry, but we're feeling just a tad "exposed" on the world-wide web, never having done this kinda thing before. ;)