Learning to trust

I haven't had a chance to really sit down and write anything in a long time...and while I can't say that I actually have time for it today, I'm doing it nonetheless.

For me, the past month (or two) has been one of those times of growing, stretching, going through the ringer, and being molded by the Lord. I hadn't felt like sharing much, because I couldn't really sort out what was going on inside enough to convey it. Nothing much has changed, circumstantially. But I am coming to a deeper realization that I'm not in control of my life, and that's actually a good thing. Even when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, my Sweet Jesus does. Nothing is a surprise to Him. When I reach the end of my (admittedly short) rope, and I can no longer make myself believe I can hold it all together, He is there to catch me. I have to let go enough to feel the fall, and then I'm in His arms. It's a very short distance, really.

But now, after the fall - and the catch - it's so easy to climb right back out of His arms, trying to put the pieces back the way I think they should go. I have an ideal plan for the next ten years. And it's pretty obvious that if things could just work out the way I want them to, life would be great!

Right?

But how much I would have missed if everything had always gone according to my plans! Events that seemed like tragedies - and discipline I didn't want to receive - have brought about the most godly character changes within me, the times of sweetest communion with my Lord, and the deepest satisfaction I've found in human relationships. And those tragedies and discipline would never have found their way into my ten-year plan. Never in ten years, and never in a million years.

So what does that mean for an insecure, often obsessive, sometimes short-sighted, and very idealistic person - like me? It means that I must prayerfully consider and make my plans in pencil. I must be willing to give up my heart's desire-of-the-moment for the rich and beautiful and often scary plans that God has for me. He is refining me. And every bend in the road - that I can't see beyond - is another chance to learn, to trust, to grow. With childlike faith that does not demand to know the end, but simply trusts the Father.

I don't want to be blown around by the winds of fear anymore. I don't want my joy to be based on circumstances. Lord, teach me to trust You more. May I trust enough to always rest in Your arms, and not have to experience Your loving "catch" to remind me that You are infinitely faithful.

But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. Psa. 131:2

Constructive photos

These are some pictures from the day we took the boys to Construction Junction at the fairgrounds about a month ago...

Hmmmm...not so sure about this thing.

Drake at the controls of a mini excavator.

Levi in one of his bolder moments!

Levi: Are you sure I should be sitting up here?

Levi: I guess I'll be okay as long as I'm with Buddy.

Levi: Buddy, why do they keep taking so many pictures?

Building the way cool butterfly house at home.

Butterfly house basic paint job...

...and detailing.

Ta-Da! Drake did a great job!

Quick Pix

Drake's first baseball practice. He LOVES baseball, and I've got some more pics to post later.

A happy morning before school. (Trust me, they don't all look quite like this.)


Florida lesson #617: Always, always bring a change of clothes for each child when going to the beach, no matter how briefly you plan to stay.


Candy makes these kiddos smile! (And while appearances can be deceiving, we didn't actually catch the elusive Easter Bunny. Drake's bunny ears from school made a nice prop, though...)


Smoothie, anyone? It's Daddy's favorite kind - mostly frozen mixed berries with one banana and some vanilla yogurt. Yum!

Catching up again!

I'm so behind on blogging it's not even funny. And it makes me not want to even start, because I know there's a lot of catching up to do! Anyway, to ease my transition back into using the computer again, here's an abbreviated list of life happenings over the past couple of weeks:

• The computer is finally up and running again! I'm not even going to go into how complicated everything was (and that's mostly because I don't really understand all the ins and outs). But I will tell you this: Adam has a VERY kind co-worker who not only spent hours of his time to fix our computer, but also generously "beefed it up" with extra memory and speed and a new DVD drive that actually writes DVDs instead of just reading them - stuff he just had "lying around" at home and wanted to give to us. What a blessing!

• Adam started playing softball for his squadron and you don't even want to know how bad the team is - it's comical to watch - but that's okay. We're the type who like to root for the underdog anyhow, so this is perfect! So between Adam's softball schedule and Drake's baseball schedule, you could say we're staying busy. I, for one, am happy that the men in my life seem to prefer America's Favorite Pastime over any other sport because it's the only one I like...and can follow! We're hoping to perhaps take in a Mariners or Applesox game when we're home on leave this summer! (In our dreams, anyway...)

• Adam and I "celebrated" our tenth anniversary on the 27th of March - it's hard to believe we've been married for ten years already! I put "celebrated" in quotes, because we didn't actually do anything special to celebrate on or around our anniversary, but our first multiple-night kidless vacation has been in the works for several years now in honor of the big event! This summer, my parents will be taking care of the boys, and Adam and I plan to stay at a scenic bed and breakfast - wow, it all sounds so grown-up and kid-free, doesn't it? We're thinking perhaps near Mt. St. Helens or the North Cascades Highway, but we really haven't got anything nailed down yet for sure.

• Speaking of our anniversary, wanna know how we spent the night of March 27th? (No, really, you do...this is funny...) Adam, Drake, our friend Brandon, and his daughter (Drake's friend) Libby slept outside in a tent in the rain and a hailstorm. Levi and I, and our friend Kristen and their younger daughter, Clara, slept in the spare bedrooms of Brandon's parents' house. It was, well, not a typical way to spend an anniversary, but somehow we never seem to do things the conventional way. And while the weather was uncooperative, the company was great! Here are some highlights of the weekend: shooting bows, holding bunnies and catching chickens, an anniversary 4-wheeler ride, making s'mores around the campfire, raking leaves, great food and friends, and geocaching! And I want to say this, too: Brandon's parents are the sweetest people for taking in our family for two days, sight unseen. They opened up their home to us, making us feel right at home, and loved on our boys like they were their own grandkids. It was a model of wonderful hospitality!

• Drake was on spring break for all of last week, and it was so much fun having him home, even though it rained all week. I'm looking forward to school being out in two more months, and having him home permanently next year! Levi also adores his big brother, and only wants his "Buddy" to help him with things, hold his hand at the store, unbuckle his carseat, etc. They have such an amiable relationship, and I'm so thankful. Even being together almost 24/7 for the past week, they got along very well. Drake has begun to seem so much more "grown up" to Adam and me in the past month or two, and I think his mellow personality and the 4-1/2 year age gap between he and Levi are major contributing factors to their sibling friendship.

• Oh yes, and I also need to mention my newfound interest in children's curriculum/books! I had to dive into this unfamiliar world a little while back, and now it's all become really interesting to me...I sense an up-and-coming addiction that must be kept in check. Everything from math curriculums to piano books to encyclopedias to language lessons...how exciting!

• And one more. I hesitate to blog about this, because then I'll have more people to answer to about it than the current number of...two. But I'm telling you anyway. I have been feeling for a long time that I need to start doing some type of exercise other than carrying laundry up and down the stairs and chasing a two-year-old. We have a free gym on base, but it's not the kind that has childcare or anything like that - kids aren't allowed. Then I've heard there's some kind of special "kid-friendly" gym-type room at the Health and Wellness Center on base where you can work out and let your kids play at the same time. (I just couldn't bring myself to try that, despite much encouragement from my husband. No thanks.) So that leaves me and my two feet and our base housing loop. Keep in mind, I have strongly disliked running in the past. But, I've decided to give it another try. (Think efficiency - just 20-30 minutes of elevated heart rate and then I'm back at my front doorstep.) But, ugh. It is so not appealing, even after only two nights of running so far. But I am going to try to like it, just the way I want my kids to try to like certain vegetables that they currently do not. I'm hoping my body's "taste buds" will change in regards to running. We will see. Either way, it seems to be the most logical form of physical activity for my current lifestyle. Sigh.

• Since I don't want to end on such a downer note, let me tell you quickly that I was able to procure the use of a steam-cleaner from base housing last week, so our living room, dining room and playroom have super clean carpets! We even rearranged the living room furniture, which we haven't done in the 2-1/2 years we've lived in this house. (It totally does not seem like we've lived here that long, but we have!) I only got to keep the steam-cleaner for 24 hours, so the upstairs will have to wait until next time, but I'm still quite satisfied about the downstairs!

Ummm, I think that's it. Now that the computer is working again, and I've given the short version of the past few weeks, my next task will be to take all the pictures off the camera. Ay-yiy-yiy. When that is complete, I'll post some of them!