Waiting

Waiting is hard. We've been at our current base for four years, and you know what that means: it's highly likely that orders will be coming our way sometime soon. Part of the military adventure is not knowing where (or when!) we're going next! But I find myself having less and less patience for that type of "adventure" lately. In my sinful human heart, I want nothing more than to be able to tightly grab hold of the future, squeezing and twisting it to fit my own short-sighted desires. Sometimes I feel tired of a life where one can never really put down roots. I am not a person who likes change, and somewhere in my dreams, my husband has a middle-class civilian job, and we have no plans to leave a community and church and friends we love...ever ...We own our home, and I can paint the rooms whatever color I want without that irritating thought in the back of my mind - in a few years, I'll be painting all these walls white again!...My kids can have a school and activities where I'll have reason to care about the happenings a few grades ahead of theirs; no more of this by the time Drake is old enough to be involved in that, we won't be here anymore stuff.

Yes, sometimes the grass truly seems greener on the other side.

But about four years ago, I went through something that changed my life. We moved to Florida. Did I want to leave Minot? No! Was I angry and frustrated, and did I throw some grown-up sized temper tantrums? Yes! I wanted nothing more than to stay forever in the frozen north. Granted, I was learning to trust the Lord a bit (if you've been reading this blog for long, you'll probably remember that my relationship with Jesus truly began during that assignment), but I could not imagine why on earth I would have to leave the people who mattered most to me in all the world, and who had been instrumental in gently bringing me to an understanding of who God is and how much I need Him. It was utterly disappointing and confusing for me.

I wore these feelings on my sleeve, apparently. One night just before we left, one of these precious people I was struggling to let go of sat down with me and gave me a half-sheet of white paper. I have just now pulled it out from its place, and I'm looking right at it, remembering. This is what it says:

Attitude
by Charles Swindoll

"The longer I live the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company..a church..a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past.. We cannot change the fact that people will act a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it."

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!" Philippians 2:5-8

Yep, that's what it said! I was convicted, and decided to change my attitude and make the best of what had to be. That doesn't mean it was all easy and happy, but it did help me notice the hand of God more readily. I realized that He was in Florida too! (And I carried that paper with me in my purse for several years!)

No matter what our situation or lifestyle, the God we serve gives us specific blessings and a purpose for being in our particular position. This is something positive He has shown me about the military (or any transient) lifestyle: we may have an easier time keeping an "eternal" perspective. We do not have the option to buy a house and plan to stay there through our golden years. We can invest ourselves in our church fellowship to a point, but this is knowing that soon we will be ripping ourselves away from those people we've grown to care so much about. We will have to start over a number of times...and get that lonely and difficult "stranger in a strange land" feeling, no matter how many times we do it. But although these facts may be annoying or downright discouraging, the benefit is that we are pressed nearer to God in the lonely and uncertain times, and reminded again that this world is not our home! Feeling like a "stranger" can be a keen reminder to praise and thank the Lord of Heaven that this world isn't all there is!

Right now, I don't have a desire to stay here forever like I did in Minot. But there is something I do want, a precious desire of my heart. I have been pleading with the Lord over it. And yet I know that only He sees the big picture. Only the King of the Universe knows exactly where He wants us to fit into it. How many times have I laid my desires at His feet, and then found myself sneaking back to retrieve them, to try squeezing them in my own hands again? My flesh cries out for power over the future, which, of course, it cannot and should not have.

We hope to know by December 15 a little more of what our future will hold, although there is also the distinct possibility that we may be totally skipped over for orders this cycle. (In that case, the wait will continue.)

I pray that no matter what happens, whether we get a "yes" or a "no" or a "wait some more", that I will be able to bring glory to Jesus with my attitude. I pray that we will be filled with patience beyond measure to get through this time of waiting, and that the Lord would see fit to mature us into the most useful vessels possible, whatever the outcome. He is good! Always.

Monday Blues

Air Force wives, rejoice! Now you can see your handsome hubby in his dress blues once a week! Thanks to Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Schwartz, Mondays are now mandatory "Blues Days" for most career fields, Air Force wide. I guess this doesn't sit well with some people, and there are some career fields where this is not practical, and therefore, it's not required for them. (Can you see Adam in his former life as a heavy equipment operator, driving a loader in his dress blues? Or running that jackhammer?) But as a personnelist, it's perfectly fitting.

I checked, and I don't have any recent pictures of Adam in his blues, but here's one from 2004 (one rank ago!). Yes, it's of terrible quality - again, we don't have a scanner, so I took a picture of a picture in order to get this on here...and it wasn't even in the sunlight. So pardon the dark and grainy quality. But I felt this post needed a visual aid!


There's not a lot about the military life that takes my breath away anymore. I've seen enough emotionally moving ceremonies, been to fancy parties where high-ranking servicemen seemed to be dripping with ribbons and medals from their mess coats. I've seen the convoys, the amazing airshows. I've witnessed plenty of marching formations, and the hairs rarely stand up on the back of my neck anymore when life stops at 5pm each day while the national anthem plays. It's been almost nine years, and what once seemed such an odd and beautiful and even barbaric way of life, has become normal to me, even secure.

But last Monday, I was at the MPF for some reason, and I remember that my breath was taken away, once again, by the sight of all the servicemen and women in their blues, walking in the parking lot and working in the building. It was beautiful to me. Perhaps my sense of beauty has been "warped" slightly by almost a decade of being a military spouse, but I believe many would share my feelings. I know my hubby's mom would have loved it!

So then, I put myself back in my own high school shoes, and thought again about how I would have felt about my life as a military spouse, had I had any inkling. At 17, when I first fell in love with Adam, I could not have made up a story about this life if I'd tried! How much I've learned - about myself, how capable I am when I really need to be; about my husband, how much he is willing to sacrifice for those he loves; about my Lord, how dearly he loves me, and how precious His grace. It's interesting to look back with a smile and see how far the Lord has brought us...and then look forward with excitement to what the future holds!

You never know what will happen next. But I'm counting on getting a good look at my man in uniform before he heads off to work next Monday morning. I can't think of a better way for an Air Force wife to beat the Monday blues!

Stormy weather

This evening, we've started getting some wind and rain from the outer bands of Hurricane Gustav. It's predicted to make landfall in Louisiana on Monday, but folks in our area have begun preparations for a possible evacuation, or for weathering the storm at home (possible power outages, gas and supply shortages, etc). The base commander makes the final decision for all base personnel, whether we stay or go; he is expected to make his decision tomorrow. We don't think we will probably be evacuating.

We pray to the God who can calm storms that He use or silence this one for His glory. Evacuating with just your family, pets, important documents, photos, and a few other material posessions that fit into your car is a good way to keep everything in perspective - you really can't take it with you. For packrats like Adam and me, that's a good lesson to learn (or re-learn!) every once in awhile!

I will let you know if we end up evacuating. We suspect that we won't this time. We do ask special prayers for the people affected by Hurricane Katrina who are still living in the area, obviously those in the New Orleans area, but also those stationed at Keesler AFB, Mississippi. Many airmen (and their families) stationed at Keesler lived through Katrina and had to come back to Keesler and rebuild...and now they may have to do it all over again. While we do choose to be in the military, we don't often get to choose where we live...so I pray that those airmen and families may have comfort and be encouraged!